Blog or not to blog??? is the question..

Well here I find my old blog and read all my past blogs wow, I really let it all out huh... well it has awoken that again for me to write again. Well I have had many changes since I last wrote, things has got much better but still have those moments of darkness that I desperately look for a flash light. I finally cut those ties of my in law family who caused my married such anger and stress. They have only been negative in our lives. It feels good not having them around, but it still bothers me of what they have done. I am human right. I am dealing with a case at the moment, because of them and some idiot that it isn't worth speaking of. Many times I try to plan a bad tactic but I am too busy to complete the task. I ask is it worth it? will it come back to me? or is it what they deserve as they think they won? Anyway, my marriage has changed to a certain degree... I mean I am much better with the marriage, I don't carry the anger nor the bitterness that I did before when I couldn't feel the love for him. I actually do love him and I can say I am pleased on spending the rest of my life with him. But of course there is a but, he still has to work on him and us. Maybe this is what I feel for the time being, not sure if I will get tired of waiting for changes or get tired of the mistakes. Who knows. Sometimes I feel like we should get remarried to start fresh and begin a marriage that is full of people who wish us the best and full of positivity. He said he isn't ready to take that step. Not sure if he means he isn't sure if he ready to promise me those stupid words that people say when they get married. Or he just doesn't know if we will make it? I don't know how to take it honestly. I try not to think about it. Maybe it is among the things that I try not to dwell on when I make myself so super busy with my hubbies. I have taken up cake decorating and it has been going well if I say so myself. I have been making money and I enjoy doing it. I mean at times I get so tired that I just want to give up the apron and pans and call it quits. But it serves as therapy for me and hey I make people happy and make money. And most of all I enjoy when people love my work. I guess when all the damn negative things that occurs to me, when the positive things keep happening I am pron to continue doing it so that it repeats itself. Who knows it will help me pay for college, other than stripping right lmfao and possibly help me open a small bakery. I like to have these options that I have given myself. I have to say that I finally have thought about myself. I have decided to put annie first among other things. I think before I use to put my marriage and the problems before myself and it made me so angry. Now, I do what I want and what I need. I am almost done with college which is huge!!! I can't believe it is almost done! I am so proud of myself. Honestly I have done it all alone too. Of course the support of few friends and family. But all the work was done was by myself. I love all the knowledge I have gain through this journey. I have become such a better person and smarter. Now, my new goal is loosing weight. I mean we all say we will plan a weight loss system and promise all this and that but I have to say I think I am going to for fill it this time. I have purchase a treadmill which should arrive in a day or two. It will be my motivation as I had always loved it in the gym when I used to work out. We will see how this goes for me... I will definitely keep you posted. Well it was great blogging.